June 21 - Go to the Funeral

Day 172 of a year of Kindness

I went to a funeral. A long-time family friend died. The kind of friend who knew my grandmother and great-grandmother. I sat in the pew with my cousins and thought about how kind it is to show respect for people who are grieving. It also reminded me of a powerful essay called “Always Go to the Funeral” by Deirdre Sullivan. Here it is:

“Sounds simple - when someone dies, get in your car and go to calling hours or the funeral. That, I can do. But I think a personal philosophy of going to funerals means more than that. 

"Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles.

In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.In going to funerals, I've come to believe that while I wait to make a grand heroic gesture, I should just stick to the small inconveniences that let me share in life's inevitable, occasional calamity.

On a cold April night three years ago, my father died a quiet death from cancer. His funeral was on a Wednesday, middle of the workweek. I had been numb for days when, for some reason, during the funeral, I turned and looked back at the folks in the church. The memory of it still takes my breath away. The most human, powerful and humbling thing I've ever seen was a church at 3:00 on a Wednesday full of inconvenienced people who believe in going to the funeral.”

Science of kindness: My own research shows that when you attend a funeral you are stepping into the enormous power of love. #bekind #kindnessiscontagious #kindnessisfree #kindness #gotoafuneral