Dec. 11 - Holding with Kindness
Day 345 of a year of kindnessThis is a very different kind of post - but I’m keeping it real. It begins with an unexpected act of kindness and ends with feelings of, well - rage. I’m also aware that it’s a privileged problem.
When my son was born, a family friend put $1,000 in a trust @merrilledge. It was in my name, in care of my son. Now that he’s 28, it’s much more. In January, we spoke to @merrilledge to confirm the funds and discuss next steps. But when my son called this week, he learned that @merrilledge abandoned the funds to the State of Florida.
Together - since both of our names are on the account - we called @merrilledge. Over three days, we called from our separate homes and had the same experience - we were redirected, put on hold, sent to countless supervisors. I drove to the office where the fund was initiated. I called the Boston number that claims to take complaints seriously, three days in a row. No one called me back.
Today, we turned our attention to Florida unclaimed money office. The agent that answered told me they get $33 million abandoned accounts a year (I see why) and they upload them in order. It could take years to get that money.
The entire exercise has been maddening. I am a communication specialist and a former journalist so I have skills in tracking down information. My son and I both work remotely so we can tolerate being on hold. But most people don’t have the time, experience or energy to manage intense stonewalling. The system is built to tire you out. When I reached my fourth supervisor in a two-hour process, I asked if he could call me back if we got disconnected.
“I can’t call out,” he said.
And yet - what I’ve learned during this past year is that kindness has to be a value, no matter the circumstance. As I felt like crying and screaming at the same time, I kept telling myself, be kind, be kind, be kind. It’s not their fault that they work for a broken system and don’t have a single answer or solution and just pass me onto the next person without an answer or solution. They didn’t personally abandon the money.
This afternoon, I had to get on a flight to Arkansas. I did not want to bring those feelings into the next part of my day. Kindness means not infecting other people with your negative feelings or experiences. Fortunately, I sat next to a 10-month-old baby girl with big cheeks in the airport shuttle, which reminded me again, to look for the light. Everyone’s got problems. Everybody has been shut out, shut down or put on hold (the average hold time is 42 minutes).
Despite the roadblocks, practicing kindness means moving forward. Today was harder than usual but I’m fighting to stay positive. One day, @merrilledge might even call me back.
Science of Kindness: Studies show that the ability to regulate emotions—through reframing, mindfulness, or self‑compassion—is a critical predictor of resilience. People who can disengage from negative emotions or redirect attention recover faster from stress #BeKind #KindnessCounts #KindnessCounts2025 #kindness #kindnesseffect #customerservicematters #merrilledge
